feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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