I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
