he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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