i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
