Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize