check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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