Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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