That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
