She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
