I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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