dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
