Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His nipple licking is glorious
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