I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
