shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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