me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
