My girlfriend figured out who you are.
do herpes really smell.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
