none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
