hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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