Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
