this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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