I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
