Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
