it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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