this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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