What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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