I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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