I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
