perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
