My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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