This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
