My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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