i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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