This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
