I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize