PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
