The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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