I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
