At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
