So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
