Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
