he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
