I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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