I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
