he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
