We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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