Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
