Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
