she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
