I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
