Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
