whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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