I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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