dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
