the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
