Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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