Already got asked if we're dating
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
