We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As shirtless as possible
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
