some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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