dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she smelled like a LAN party
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
