Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
