I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she looked like the before picture.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
