Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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