Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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