rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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