Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
