i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize