White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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