During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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