Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
