guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
