Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
