just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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