I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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