He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
