My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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