dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
