so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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