she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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