I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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