i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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