I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize