It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think people are normalizing furries
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
