things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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