We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
