youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize