i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
