i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
