upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
