i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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