At least make sure they are 18
Why
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
