She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
