billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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