True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
