what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
