last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize