I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
