She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
